Giving up dreams

Have you ever given up on a dream you didn't really want to? 

I have, twice. 

The first one was law school. I worked and worked so hard to make that dream work but felt like the door closed in my face every time. I was pretty angry at God for awhile, it didn't really help and I definitely am glad that dream didn't come to fruition. I wouldn't be where I am today or get to do the things I really wanted to do. 

Recently, I felt like God was asking me to give him my desire to have a family. I don't quite know how to explain giving up something you really want. It's not like you can just hand over a dream or desire that you have, but I resisted big time. I was afraid that if I let God have this, he would take it away and it's not a desire I want to lose. I found myself so frustrated with online dating that I finally decided to delete all my accounts. They basically became a huge distraction and the type of guys I matched or talked to ended up not being very kind.
Side note: if you are a guy and you are reading this and you have a tendency to make plans with a girl and you don't show up or you cancel and then ghost her, please stop doing that! 

I was missing the point of what God was asking me to do. He wasn't asking me to decide to be single forever and he wasn't asking me to give something up. He was asking me to trust him and his plan to invite him into this space and steer the boat. 

Sometimes that is the scary part about trust and faith, we don't know the outcome. The unknown. 

I don't know the outcome of my life, I don't know that I will ever find my husband or have my own family in the traditional sense. 

What I do know is that God is good. He will give me what I need. 

I still pray for my husband and my family and still hope for those things. I am learning to be satisfied with Jesus, and always growing in him, not becoming complacent but knowing he is enough. 

It's been three weeks since I deleted my dating apps. I don't miss them. I am working on myself and living my life for me and I feel so much better not attached to those things. They don't bring me joy, so why keep them? 

I don't know how my life will play out, but I have to love the life I have, being mad about the things I don't have will never change my situation. I will keep praying and hoping for the things I desire and trust God in the process no matter what happens. 

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 19, 2020 at 9:13 PM

    I love reading your posts. They are open, honest and raw! I relate to this post more deeply than I can express.

    Thank You for sharing!!

    Patience pretty lady!! You will find it all...in the most unlikely people and places.

    Open mind and open heart!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The K WordAugust 20, 2020 at 9:13 AM

      Thank you for your kind words and support, whoever you are :)

      Delete

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