The K Word

Have you ever given up on a dream you didn't really want to?  I have, twice.  The first one was law school. I worked and worked so hard to make that dream work but felt like the door closed in my face every time. I was pretty angry at God for awhile, it didn't really help and I definitely am glad that dream didn't come to fruition. I wouldn't be where I am today or get to do the things I really wanted to do.  Recently, I felt like God was asking me to give him my desire to have a family. I don't quite know how to explain giving up something you really want. It's not like you can just hand over a dream or desire that you have, but I resisted big time. I was afraid that if I let God have this, he would take it away and it's not a desire I want to lose. I found myself so frustrated with online dating that I finally decided to delete all my accounts. They basically became a huge distraction and the type of guys I matched or talked to ended up not being very kind...

Mark 4:35-39 "On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, "Let us go across to the other side." And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?' And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea,  "Peace! Be Still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." I've spent a lot of time thinking about this story with Jesus in the boat, and storm has really been a lot of what I have reflected on. Jesus commanded the wind to stop and it did! He brought peace in the middle of chaos. Sometimes in our lives Jesus doesn't always calm the storm the way we want him to. My aunt still died from cancer, friends lost siblings, los...

Last Friday I went on quite the adventure and took a road trip to Tacoma WA and went to the Queen concert  by myself. I have to say the entire thing was quite an adventure from buying the ticket to trying to get a Lyft ride back to my hotel. I will share more about this in a second.  For those of you who don’t know me, I am pretty extroverted but I generally don’t like to do things alone out of insecurity. I went and saw a movie once alone and all I could think about was how everyone watched me walk in and sit down alone and they were all judging me because I was alone. The reality is people probably didn’t care that I was there by myself. Apparently people go see movies alone all the time and they love it. After this movie experience I have not gone and done stuff by myself and I feel like I may have missed out some things I would have really loved to do.  I turned 30 just over a month ago. I can say I pictured my life looking a lot different than it does ...

I have been sitting on this topic for awhile and I am sure I am not the only single person in the world who absolutely hates it. I wanted to be able to talk about my experience and how I overcame it, but I just haven’t quite got to the over it part. I decided to just write about where I am at and how I navigate through being single and hope there is someone else out there who will be encouraged. I hate this phase of my life and it has turned into this constant feeling. In the past I have been able to shake it off and keep going but now as I move through life, I think about how I wish things were different. It’s funny having this conversation with other people because I hear the same thing every time. “You are young, enjoy all the things you can do as a single person that you cannot do with a husband or family.” They are right I am young and I have a lot more freedom to do things. The thing is my heart yearns for a family. I am willing to give up those freedoms for a family… and ...

The end of the year is always a time of reflection and goal setting (New Years Resolutions). 2018 was good to me. It had many ups and a few downs. This year seemed to go by fast but also seemed like a very long year.  My aunt passed away in March and it was hard, it still is hard sometimes. I find myself randomly thinking about her. I have known people who have died, but never someone close to me. You never realize how much you miss someone until they are gone.  I have been hurt by people close to me. I have learned an important lesson of boundaries and also to pay attention to what God is telling you. Sometimes we have to let go of relationships that are abusive or toxic.  I had to make some tough adult decisions, this put me in a position to feel insecure about who I was in my career, how to make myself a better manager and leader, I am not perfect at all and I have a really long way to go. But I am thankful to have leaders in my life who give me grace and w...

Have you ever just had one of those days where you feel like everything is against you and somehow all these things just pile up and you find yourself standing in the middle of a war zone? The war doesn't seem to be going well because as the day goes on just more stuff is tossed your direction. Sometimes I am really good at taking each moment by the horn and dealing with it and other times it seems that every stone thrown does some damage. Today was one of those days. It seemed like all the stones Satan threw landed so perfectly to cause my day to suck. I found myself struggling for something to just cling on to one piece of good thing to get me through the rest of the day. I was ready to throw in the towel and just be done with the day, but instead I decided to look for something, a quote or picture, some tiny bit of hope. I of course went to pinterest and typed in fighting insecurity and it took awhile for me to find the gem I was looking for. There are so many posts on how t...